Cold weather – regulation or overexertion?

It began with breath.
It became more intense with the cold.

Initially, it was ten seconds under lukewarm water.
Not ice cold.
Just a conscious step out of the comfort zone.

I increased the intensity slowly.

Colder.
Longer.
Finally, in winter, sitting in the snow in a bikini.
Later, in the freezing cold pool.

It took effort every time.

The first few seconds

The first few seconds are never pleasant.

The body contracts.
My skin is burning.
His breath catches in his throat.

It's not a gentle arrival.
It's a shock.

And then – if I stay –
Something is happening.

Absolute silence.
Sometimes even peace.

As if my system were saying:
"I understand. You are here. It's over."

This calm sometimes lasted only minutes.
Sometimes for hours.
Sometimes days.

That impressed me.

Strength or a flight forward?

But I had to learn something here too.

Cold can regulate.
However, it can also be a form of overexertion.

Especially during a period when I was already angry and tense,
Sometimes the cold felt like:

"I can handle this."

That can be empowering.
But it could also be further proof of this.
that you always have to prove something to yourself.

Not every overcoming of obstacles is a cure.

How I deal with it today

I don't force myself anymore.

Sometimes I take the plunge.
Sometimes not.

Sometimes a few seconds are enough.
Sometimes I don't do it at all.

There is no plan.
Not "every day".
Not "so many minutes".

If my system is already under constant stress,
Additional intensity does not automatically regulate.

For me, cold is a tool today.
No ritual.
No proof of performance.

And sometimes the greater strength is,
not to do it.